I Love Being Unimportant

The title to this post is weird, but it has become one of the biggest themes of my life and I talk about it all the time. So, for those who have heard me say this before, you can just skip this post!

I have been really stressed this week with starting my new job and realizing how much that eats into the time I had devoted to my shop. I genuinely love my little guys and I love being creative and sewing, but I'm not a work-a-holic by nature and doing so much that I don't have time to just be really eats at my peace of mind.  I've been playing loosely with the idea of cutting back on how much I sew but when I do I feel like panicking. Am I panicking because I love my shop so much that I don't want to quit or because I'm afraid of giving up and failing? It's crazy seeing how far my stuff has come... from Moses the Crochet Moose to Benedick the Squirrel, I'm genuinely proud of what I have learned and accomplished.

I know though, that deep in my heart behind the cobwebs that I never usually brush aside lies an ugly fear of failing. My whole life I've done all that I could to avoid it. I've pretended I don't want the thing I'm striving toward, or I quit before I have a chance to be a disappointment. I fear failing others, yes, I really do, but mostly I fear failing myself. Of having to admit that I can't do something...that I'm human...that I'm incapable of satisfying my own standards.

That's why I'm glad that I believe with all my heart that I am a part of something bigger, a grand universal plan that incorporates every person on the planet and is molding us with strong and capable fingers into something more beautiful than we can imagine. Mighty oceans are thimblefuls, mountains are anthills, and human achievement merely our attempts at imitating and being one with this great plan.

That makes me believe that I can do anything, but that if I don't, if I try and fail, I'll ultimately be okay. Because ultimately, it's not up to me and my will power to shake the universe and make the world spin one more time.

If this makes little to no sense to you please let me know and I would love to expand more to you.